Happy Happy Joy Joy !!!

WARNING: This post is going to be mushy, smarmy and full of all those warm fuzzy type of feelings.

I've said this all before. I know I have. I'm repeating myself. But I can't help it. This is so overwhelming that I have to express it somehow. So you guys get to be tortured through all this.

When my Mom and I first started talking I thought my life couldn't get any better. I mean, someone I have searched for, for 22 years is finally in my life. And its good. I feared rejection for so long that towards the end of my search, I almost gave up.

Then when we met, I finally knew what family felt like. I felt at home in her house. I felt like I belonged there. I never had that feeling with my adoptive family. I always felt like an outsider. I was so comfortable with my Mom. She's awesome.

Never in my wildest dreams did I know that it would be as good as it is with my Mom. We can talk about just about anything, and we're getting so close. I can't believe I almost gave up looking for her.

So, as you all know, I'm now talking with my Baby Sister. Well, she's not so much a baby, she is 36. (Happy Belated Birthday Sis) Everyone look at the comments in the previous post and you'll see a note posted by her. We just got done talking a few minutes ago, I think we were talking about 5 or 6 hours.

I was left with such a feeling of joy and happiness. How did I get so lucky? I've never had this before. Believe it or not, I'm walking on air. That one is for you E.

Ohhhhh ... AND she says I can post her picture. I have a few pictures of her now, but I'm posting this one because I think it looks the most like me.

I think my Baby Sister is a little cutie. Check out the statues. Andy and Opie, gotta love that. Makes me want to whistle.

Something that I'm finding out meeting these two incredible women, is that we're a strong breed.

I've known E for a little over a week now, and she's already found a place in my heart. Mom ... you've been there always, just more so now.

I love you both, you mean the world to me.

What has been going on you ask?

My daughter and I are dealing with an issue. I still maintain she is a very good kid, but she is a kid, and sometimes kids make poor choices. She's dealing with the consequences in a mature manner, and I think that's the best thing. She turns 13 soon, and I hear that this is just the beginning ... oh joy !!!

BIG NEWS !!!

I talked to my baby sister, E. I know I was reluctant at first. I wanted my Mom to myself, and I didn't want anyone to interfere with that.

E is terrific. We laugh alike, we walk a like and sometimes we even talk alike. LOL ... we look like twins separated by 6 years.

Nature VS. Nurture. I've touched on the subject in this blog, and many times through my journey to find my family.

I do not believe I am the product of my environment. I am not like my adoptive family at all. I took nothing from them, and I'm glad for that.

I am so much like my Mom and my Sister. I would've loved for the three of us to have been the family I grew up in. Shoulda, woulda coulda.

I need to ask permission to post any pictures of E. I've sent pictures of her around to different people, and everyone says we look so much alike.

If you were to eavesdrop on any of our conversations, you'd know that we're alike in so many more ways than you could imagine.

We each have a daughter, mine is 13, and I believe hers is 14. Her daughters name is identical to my daughters name except for one letter.

I think that is just too cool.

I still just LOVE to talk to my Mom too. I feel very lucky to have all my girls in my life, M and J you're included in that. I love you all !!!

Apologies and Tough Love

I actually wrote this post a couple weeks ago, but it stands the test of time. More to come ...

I'm so sorry I haven't been writing. I think about it sometimes, and when it comes down to the actual writing I tell myself I'll do it tomorrow. Well, I guess today is tomorrow because here I am writing. Many apologies ...

Okay ... now the tough love part. This will probably be long. I am going to reference a few different people. A couple of the people are a long-time friend of mine (of 29 years!!!) and her son. The other one is my daughter, and the last one is a person unknown. I am going to hide the identity of my friend and call her J and her son K. My daughter will be referred to as L.

J has been having many problems with K. He has been skipping school, his grades have dropped and he's come home high. I'm not going to go into the extent of everything he's done, just explain that she has been going through a lot with him. He has been mouthy, saying he doesn't care about his grades, that he shouldn't get into trouble for everything because he's going to keep doing it, and everyone needs to just live with it. This has been going on for a while, so she started to contact the courts to see what she can do about him. There was a hearing in front of a judge and the boy was told to live up to his mothers demands because all these things can happen to you. A few include removal from the home. At this point J is more than willing to let K go to juvie or a foster/group home just so J, her other son and husband don't lose their sanity.

I agree with those consequences. K has had control of the household for too long, and has been putting J into an early grave. No, not really ... J has always been strong. But something like this can break a person. She was not going to give into K's ways and demands and I'm proud of her for that. She was not just waving those consequences in his face, she was ready to follow through on sending him to juvie or the foster/group home, and I don't blame her. That's what tough love is about.

K has been straightening his act out. He's going to school, doing his homework and behaving. J feels like she has her son back ... but she's treading lightly. She's ready for the next round.

Okay ... part two of Tough Love.

DISCLAIMER: This is totally hypothetical. This is NOT going on. Its just a topic that J and I have been talking about lately. Its on my mind, and although I have talked briefly to L about it, I think its time that I finish this talk with her.

Like I've said in an earlier post, L is almost 13. She's a good kid, very responsible. A lot of girls her age come home pregnant. Ewwwww ... I said the P word !!! We live in a very small, very remote community. There isn't much for kids to do around here, and teenage pregnancy is a pandemic around here. It goes in spurts, some years you can see about 10 girls pregnant and some years you only see one or two. BUT, there is always a pregnant teenager here.

Remember, this is hypothetical.

My daughter comes home and says she's pregnant.

My first reaction? I don't know, it hasn't happened yet (remember, this is hypothetical). But I'm sure there is some shock, surprise (aren't they about the same thing?) and definately disappointment.

What am I going to do?

J says she will not raise the child, maybe babysit once in a while, but not raise the child. She will not give money to help with the expenses, nor will let them live with her. She has educated her boys on girls, condoms, pregnancy. She goes on to state the hardship of a pregnant teen/teen mother/father. She says if you can't afford to buy a highchair, carseat, crib, you shouldn't be having children anyways. She really did make a lot of valid points in her argument, and I understand completely where she's coming from.

This is an excerpt from her side:

"a teenage pregnancy can lead to a lifetime of hardship and resentment. I have seen first hand what happens. And sadly the majority split, even before the baby is born. Being young they don't have much schooling and have a minimum paying job, babies are expensive and that is just the healthy one's starting from pre-natal on. God forbid thereis a health problem. Most low paying jobs have high out of pocket costs for insurance and many keep their hours just below the level needed for benefits. And when the one leaves the other is doing the bulk of the caring, while the other has freedom. And if the baby is colicky, you just kicked up the level of difficulty a 100 times. And let's not forget how easy it is to get pregnant a second or third time."

(No bad comments if her views do not match hers ... she has a right to her opinion)

I stated her side, so I can show you my side of the argument.

My stance is so completely opposite of hers. Because there are hardships anytime someone has a baby, especially teenagers, is why I believe its better to be there for the teen. And I will be there for mine if she pops up pregnant.

I think because education pretty much comes to a halt once the baby is born is why I need to be there to care for the baby. L will need to continue school and hopefully go to college so she can provide for her growing child. As long as L is doing what she needs to do, I will be there 100%. I will not be there if all she's going to do is go out to be with her friends. She needs to continue to prepare herself to become a good provider for her child and future children. Once she has a child, all her rules change. She will no longer have a social life. Her social life will be her child. I will not make her work if she's going to school. During the school year will be school and baby and during the summer will be work and baby. So I'm not offering my daughter a free ride. I'm offering her a chance to be able to make it.

I'm sure there will be bumps in the road, but if we work together, we would be able to accomplish our goals.

My daughter is a good kid, very responsible. I hope IF she became pregnant, she'd continue to show the responsibility she shows as a 12 almost 13 year old.

Soooooo ...

Tough love?

In J's case with her son. Yes. Tough love is the way to go. I firmly agree.

In my daughter's case. Yes. Tough love is the way to go. But a different kind.

J said something else that I like. Its been said many times, you've all heard it before, but it needs to be said again.

"It is easy to become a parent. It takes great care to be a good Mom or Dad."

Happy Groundhogs Day ...

Its very nice that we will have an early spring. I don't think my hands can handle the cold much longer. I wish it would start today.

I am in prison today ... I'm at work. I'm a homebody. I would be happy just holed up in my house and never leaving. Well, maybe sometimes. But I like to be at home. For the most part, its a very fun job. I actually love my job, it just takes me away from home.

I figure a person's body composition, train them on the machines - how to use them and safety - then create a work out for them. It usually takes anywhere from 2 to 3 hours for the first day. I will then set up a few more appointments to make sure they can read the workout I've designed for them, and they remember how to use the machines effeciently. A lot of places send you out on your own after showing you a few machines. I will give advice, structure and help with the everyday discipline it takes to commit to a workout. I will help you a little bit with nutrition and whats best to eat before and after a workout. I'm not a nutrionalist, so I can't give you a menu or a diet, just a bit of advice. The first day takes two hours if you let me do all the talking (and I will talk your ear off with information), or three hours if you talk a lot. I will feed you with so much information, you might forget about 1/2 of it.

I think all of that is worth something. My members pay a membership fee and if you're new, a sign up fee. Most think that we're trying to rip them off with a having a sign up fee. Ours is much less than most places, and we do twice, three times as much as a big gym to get you going. If you want personal attention, you will have to pay for it. That's what the sign up fee is for. We will be here for questions afterwards ... AND, if later you need more instruction, we will do that free of charge.

I don't think our rates are outrageous ... far from it. The start up costs are what gets people. After that, its not all that much. I know I've already talked about these people that want breaks. I think we give breaks in our pricing. Maybe we should raise the price of everything, so when you ask for a bargain, we'll give you what we're charging now.

I said I love my job. I do. I just don't like the snobs who think they deserve special priviledges. I guess every job can't be perfect. Well, mine is as close to perfect as it gets.

Okay ... my mind went blank. Oh ... I know what to talk about.

I have been driving for twenty something years ... about a quarter of a century actually. That's a long time. I have never had a ticket or an accident. Well, my luck ran out Jan 4. I was stupid and ran a red light. Let me set the stage here. If you go down this street in anytown USA, there are about 6 or 7 street lights along about a 15 block distance. There are signs that say if you travel at 20 mph, you will hit all green lights. So that's what everyone does. Well, I got to the last street light and it was green, then yellow as I got closer, and as soon as I got there, it was red. I went anyway. I know, real stupid. I don't know why I did it. I never do anything like that. So when the cop pulled me over, I didn't ask what he was pulling me over for, I knew.

Anyway, he didn't put the amount on the ticket which meant I had to go to court. I did. Two nights ago ... they have night court !!! Sorry, Bull and Selma weren't there. I got the ticket reduced ... AND ... if I don't get another ticket in 6 months, that ticket will be wiped off my record and I will have a clean record once again.

So ... the lesson for today is ... if the light is yellow, slow down and stop. It doesn't do any good not to.

I have a new member who just got here. I have to go walk her through the machines. Take care people, and have a Happy Groundhogs Day !!!

I have been trying to start posts for the past couple days now. Every time I start, something pulls me away and I don't get to finish it. I think its a conspiracy.

I feel like an author whose had a book revue. People really liked my last post. Someone even took an excerpt and posted it on her blog. I really like this person. I know, I haven't met her, but I feel like I know a lot about her. She is smart beyond her years, she has a wonderful sense of humor, and a great mother. She's learned a few very important lessons in life recently. She's learned that she's human, that not everything works out the way we want it to, and she can persevere. She's a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for, as her world is falling apart around her, she manages to keep her family together. Kudos Tracee ... thumbs up to you.

Tig ... You and your family are in my thoughts. Her father passed on last night. So she's going through a rough time too.

Hey Sis ... didn't think I'd mention you??? Tonight, hell or high water ... 5 pm. I'll be there with bells on. You know I love you :-) I bet I'll be there, and something will keep you from being there. Another conspiracy.

My Mom ... what can I say about her? She just got out of the hospital last week. She was in for about 3 days, came home, same day went back in. They diagnosed her with congestive heart failure. My Mom seems to go with the punches. Someone tells her something like that, she just goes on with her daily life. She doesn't let it get her down.

She likes the gorilla Koko. She's been following whats been going on with him for years. His trainers, his kitties, everything. She can tell you anything you want to know about him.

I feel my Mom's presence in me. I feel a calm that I never felt before with her. Balanced. That's what I feel. At peace. The feelings that were created when I met her, are what I've been searching for my entire life.

She's at a place in her life right now that is the best she's ever been in too. Its not from me, however, she does derive joy from me. The last eight years of her life, she has reinvented herself. It wasn't easy for her to do, she's dealing with a lot of issues.

The man she was with for 35 years, who fathered three of her children, was not a nice man. He spent seven years in prison and is now registered as a child molester.

She met this man in a psychiatric institution where they were patients. Her sadistic doctor believed that every one of his patients needed Electric Shock Therapy every other day. So my Mom had it every other day for about 2 years. That time period is very sketchy for her. The shock treatments made her mind mushy, and I believe she still has residual effects from it.

I think with everything she has gone through in life, she's an unbelievably strong person. She doesn't think so, but I do. She's just an amazing person ... and she's MY Mom, you can't have her. Mine, mine ALL mine !!!

I love you Mom ...