Happy Birthday to Me :-) ...
Forty one years ago this morning, 2am to be exact, my Mom was taken to the Los Angeles County General Hospital by ambulance to give birth to me.
Everyone has a story like this to tell. They're told from the time they are little, the time leading up to running to the hospital, what it was like in the hospital, how many hours of pain the mother suffered through to give you life. I never learned the story of my birth.
I talked to my Mom today on the phone. She just popped up and started talking about it. She has a hard time remembering things, but she remembers my birth vividly.
I swear when she talks to me, it warms a part of my heart that I didn't know existed. I feel near tears everytime we talk because she is such a beautiful person. I feel we are forming a bond ... I just can't tell you how much that means to me.
I keep saying, never, in my wildest dreams did I think it would be like this. I can't say it enough. I used to think what would happen if I ever found her. Nothing that I thought up could even come close to measuring up to what its like. We have completely opened ourselves up and are emotionally embracing each other. Its a wonderful experience, and we're both in awe of the whole situation.
I feel like I have to be pinched to be waken up. This name on a piece of paper, and the paper chase I went through to find her never felt entirely real. It was just something to do, something to drive me to keep me busy. Some people collect coins, some decopage, some knit ... my hobby was searching. It was a challenge, sometimes really fun, because I found out so much information, other times it was so damn frustrating. But it was always a game to me ... If I do "this" ... hmmm, what kind of results would I get. Sometimes it was like hitting the jackpot and so exilarating. Sometimes it was so frustrating that I would stop searching for months, sometimes even a year or more.
I remember when I recieved my Non-identifying information from the LA County Bureau of Adoptions. Because it was Non-Identifying information, her name or any name for that matter was not supposed to be included. There was a form that was filled out by the hospital I was born in. It has a Birthing Summary, my apgar scores and such (9, 10) ... but in the space where her name went ... her name was typed in and whited out.
Something told me to look at the back of the paper, hold it up to light, and ta da ... there was her name. The first time I ever knew any name or anything about my birthfamily. It was my first piece of real information. There was this wave of emotion that went through me ... It was like I felt her for the very first time. I think it was that moment that catapulted me into my search for her.
We've come full circle now, we're forming a working and healthy relationship. We enjoy talking to each other, and can't seem to get enough of each other. We share tons personal information ... I believe we're going to be very close.
I want her to move here so bad. I hope I'm breaking her into the idea, it sure sounds like it to me. I would never insist upon it, it has to be entirely her idea.
She's in the hospital right now. Two days ago she had a test and that night she was admitted to the hospital. The next morning, I got an email saying that she was in the hospital and she wants me to call. Upon release, she has to wait to be picked up from a driving service in her town. How I would love it if I were close enough to stay with her while she's in the hospital. And I would love to pick her up from the hospital and bring her home. Get her comfortable when she gets home, make sure she has everything she needs.
How do I close this post? I've been thinking about a good close for about 10 minutes now ...
I think the best way to close it is this:
12 DAYS UNTIL WE MEET FACE TO FACE!!!
Everyone has a story like this to tell. They're told from the time they are little, the time leading up to running to the hospital, what it was like in the hospital, how many hours of pain the mother suffered through to give you life. I never learned the story of my birth.
I talked to my Mom today on the phone. She just popped up and started talking about it. She has a hard time remembering things, but she remembers my birth vividly.
I swear when she talks to me, it warms a part of my heart that I didn't know existed. I feel near tears everytime we talk because she is such a beautiful person. I feel we are forming a bond ... I just can't tell you how much that means to me.
I keep saying, never, in my wildest dreams did I think it would be like this. I can't say it enough. I used to think what would happen if I ever found her. Nothing that I thought up could even come close to measuring up to what its like. We have completely opened ourselves up and are emotionally embracing each other. Its a wonderful experience, and we're both in awe of the whole situation.
I feel like I have to be pinched to be waken up. This name on a piece of paper, and the paper chase I went through to find her never felt entirely real. It was just something to do, something to drive me to keep me busy. Some people collect coins, some decopage, some knit ... my hobby was searching. It was a challenge, sometimes really fun, because I found out so much information, other times it was so damn frustrating. But it was always a game to me ... If I do "this" ... hmmm, what kind of results would I get. Sometimes it was like hitting the jackpot and so exilarating. Sometimes it was so frustrating that I would stop searching for months, sometimes even a year or more.
I remember when I recieved my Non-identifying information from the LA County Bureau of Adoptions. Because it was Non-Identifying information, her name or any name for that matter was not supposed to be included. There was a form that was filled out by the hospital I was born in. It has a Birthing Summary, my apgar scores and such (9, 10) ... but in the space where her name went ... her name was typed in and whited out.
Something told me to look at the back of the paper, hold it up to light, and ta da ... there was her name. The first time I ever knew any name or anything about my birthfamily. It was my first piece of real information. There was this wave of emotion that went through me ... It was like I felt her for the very first time. I think it was that moment that catapulted me into my search for her.
We've come full circle now, we're forming a working and healthy relationship. We enjoy talking to each other, and can't seem to get enough of each other. We share tons personal information ... I believe we're going to be very close.
I want her to move here so bad. I hope I'm breaking her into the idea, it sure sounds like it to me. I would never insist upon it, it has to be entirely her idea.
She's in the hospital right now. Two days ago she had a test and that night she was admitted to the hospital. The next morning, I got an email saying that she was in the hospital and she wants me to call. Upon release, she has to wait to be picked up from a driving service in her town. How I would love it if I were close enough to stay with her while she's in the hospital. And I would love to pick her up from the hospital and bring her home. Get her comfortable when she gets home, make sure she has everything she needs.
How do I close this post? I've been thinking about a good close for about 10 minutes now ...
I think the best way to close it is this:
12 DAYS UNTIL WE MEET FACE TO FACE!!!
posted by Melissa at 12:26 PM
1 Comments:
Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday dear Melissa, Happy Birthday to you! Congratulations on your 41st birthday. I am pleased that you and your Mum got to share details of your birth for the first time.
What a great birthday present.
I was just checking you blog and noticed that you posted here again, will you be on this blog or your new one? Jessica
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