How Did I Get Like This???
You saw the proof. I say I was skinny, cuz I was. I used to be skin and bones. I could eat anything I wanted, how much I wanted, and still weigh the same. When I stopped growing in 6th grade, I was the same size until I was about 24. I gained some weight then, about 15 lbs, but lost it within a few months, and kept it off. that was the only time in my life that I had a weight issue.
I got pregnant when I was 27. I was small for most of my pregnancy. I heard someone say, "are you sure she's pregnant?" My 7th month of pregnancy, I woke up and I was huge, it seemed like it happened over night. I was craving milk at this time. Not just a glass here or there, but I was going through a gallon of milk a day all by myself. By the beginning of my 8th month, I was waddling and people thought I was ready to deliver at any moment.
My daughter was 2 weeks early and 11 lbs 8.6 oz. After I gave birth, I couldn't believe how big my stomach still was. The nurses kept telling me that I must have air in my stomach and to flatuate at will. There wasn't air in my stomach, it was just my stomach. I was huge when I brought my daughter home. All my clothes were way too small.
I started by taking my daughter on walks in her stroller. I took Tae Kwon Do lessons for 2 years. I swam daily, I had a gym membership and went 5 mornings a week. Nothing helped to take it off. Never in my wildest dreams (nightmares) did I think I'd be this big, and I never thought what extra weight I had wouldn't easily come off.
I was at work one day, and I made the wrong movement and threw my back out. I didn't think it was bad at first, it took about 20 minutes or so to really hit me. My boss told me to go to the office and lie down, that would help. So, like an idiot, I did. The office was down this long hallway that at that hour, no one is around. I laid down on the office floor. If I didn't have my knees bent I was in excruciating pain. As long as they were bent, I was fine. I decided it wasn't too bad and I would go back to work. So I went to get up. I was stuck, help, I've fallen and I can't get up ... that was going through my mind endlessly. I would try to sit up and the pain blinded me. Because I couldn't get up, I knew I had seriously injured my back.
I tried calling out for someone to help me, but no one was around. I waited and waited, and no one came. I then decided I had to buck it and just get up, no matter how bad it hurt. I did, and screamed out while I did it, but I made it up. I called Maria from the office. I told her to come pick me up ... NOW !!! She asked why, and all I could tell her is just do it. I walked out of the office, very slowly, because I could not walk well at all. I finally made it to my boss and told her I had to go, my back hurt.
Maria came to pick me up and I realized I had to go down 3 steps. Might as well have been the empire state building, I wasn't going to make it down those 3 steps. I went to the emergency room and they did absolutely NOTHING for me. I went home the same way I walked in, in severe pain.
About a week later, I went for physical therapy. Before I went, I was able to walk a bit, after I left, I couldn't make it down the one step it took to go to the parking lot. I decided that physical therapy wasn't going to work for me, so I quit going. I started going to a chiropractor. It helped, but it was slow going. He wasn't someone you went in, got an adjustment and left. He did massage with this ben gay smelling stuff, which felt sooo good.
I was using a walker for about the first 9 months after my injury. Doing everyday things hurt like hell. Pulling up my pants, trying to take my pants down. Tying my shoes. Sitting down, standing up. Walking, standing, sitting, laying down. It all was excruciating.
I started to swim about a year after my injury. It helped quite a bit. I had been using a cane for a while by that point, and I was using it less around the house. Just to sit down and stand up.
After about 2 years after my injury I returned to work. Not because I was better, because bills had to be paid. Work made my back worse. I would come home from work and cry. I would sit down in my chair, and getting up to walk again was very painful.
After a couple more years, and begging from my doctor, I started back to the gym. It was hard to do and I couldn't keep it up. It hurt so bad. My doctor finally ordered and MRI for my back and it was concluded that I had a herniated disk.
I quit my job because it was slowly killing (crippling?) me. I started working at the gym that I had been going to. It wasn't supposed to be a permanent position, but it became just that. I learned how to strengthen my back and I'm feeling much MUCH better about it. It still bothers me sometimes, but its so minor by comparison.
Also at the time I started at the gym, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. It was my time to become proactive about my health and weight. I started exercising harder and more often. I changed my eating habits, got my blood glucose levels under control. I had one doctor tell me that it was like I wasn't Diabetic because of my glucose level. That made me feel good. I was energetic, feeling good and feeling like I was in the best shape I had been in in years.
Cardio was my buddy. I would be on the ellipitical, to the treadmill, the low rider, the glider ... I would alternate between all of them as I got tired on the one I was one. I would keep this up for an hour or two. I loved it. I worked the machines too. Nothing could stop me now. I was losing weight ... I had gone down two pant sizes.
One day I got on the treadmill and my heart started to race after just two minutes. It felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I stopped what I was doing and tried it again later. My heart started to race again. So I tried it the next day. My heart would race. It got to the point that I was scared to go on the treadmill, or any cardio machine for that matter.
I talked to my doctor, and he put me on a beta blocker. It worked. For two weeks. I postponed going back to my doctor for a few months. When I did and he referred me to a cardiologist, about 6 months passed by. I hadn't been exercising the whole time. I wanted to see what the cardiologist would say about the possibility of a heart attack. The appt was scheduled for the next month, so that was 7 mos I wasn't exercising. The cardiologist put me on a stronger beta blocker and sent me on my merry way. It didn't work either. So I started going through test after test. I asked him if I could exercise while waiting to find out what was wrong, and he said it might be best that I wait considering I'm not monitored.
Well, it took about a year and a half to be diagnosed. The medication they have me on works sometimes, other times I feel like my heart is coming through my chest.
By the time I was diagnosed, I had given up on ever exercising again, and I stopped eating right. All the weight I had lost came back on, and then some. Right now, I am the heaviest I've ever been. I have a BMI of 42.9 and a body fat percentage of 51.1%. Thats over half my body weight, sad.
My back is acting up again, just sometimes, because I haven't been exercising. So I will go and do that one exercise just to keep my back strong. I'm still having problems on the treadmill, so I'm riding the recumbant bike. I just started working out again. My blood glucose is out of control. I have a whole laundry list of problems stemming from my weight and Diabetes.
My insurance company says for good faith, I have to lose 5% of my weight. Which is abut 13 lbs, and keep it off for 6 months before I can be approved for surgery. I have just started eating right again in the last day or two. I don't feel any lighter. However, I just want to get the ball rolling for when I see the doctor, because the 13 lbs doesn't count unless its documented.
I've had a couple people say "oh" when I tell them I'm preparing to have the surgery. I feel like they feel I'm taking the easy way out. I even had someone ask why I don't wire my jaw shut instead. OMG !!! GBS or WLS are not easy choices, or easy ventures. Once I have the surgery, my life will change, forever. I will only be able to eat 3 oz of food at a sitting. Do you know how much that is. Hold out your hand. Circle your palm ... that is about 3 oz. Not only that, have you ever tried to chew your food until its pureed, without swallowing little bits here and there. For the rest of my life, that's how I am to chew. How many have taken a bit, and wanted to wash it down with milk or something? I won't be able to do that either. Not only that, because I will be eating less, I will have to take more vitamins to get my nutrition level. I will probably drink three protein shakes a day to keep my protein levels up.
This is a lifelong decision that is not an easy one to make. Its not going to be an easy one to live with either. But I'm ready for it. Not just for me. For my daughter and Maria too. Our lives circle around what I can and can not do.
To answer the title of this post, I believe I wasn't able to lose the weight because of what happened to my back and then what happened with my heart.
I got pregnant when I was 27. I was small for most of my pregnancy. I heard someone say, "are you sure she's pregnant?" My 7th month of pregnancy, I woke up and I was huge, it seemed like it happened over night. I was craving milk at this time. Not just a glass here or there, but I was going through a gallon of milk a day all by myself. By the beginning of my 8th month, I was waddling and people thought I was ready to deliver at any moment.
My daughter was 2 weeks early and 11 lbs 8.6 oz. After I gave birth, I couldn't believe how big my stomach still was. The nurses kept telling me that I must have air in my stomach and to flatuate at will. There wasn't air in my stomach, it was just my stomach. I was huge when I brought my daughter home. All my clothes were way too small.
I started by taking my daughter on walks in her stroller. I took Tae Kwon Do lessons for 2 years. I swam daily, I had a gym membership and went 5 mornings a week. Nothing helped to take it off. Never in my wildest dreams (nightmares) did I think I'd be this big, and I never thought what extra weight I had wouldn't easily come off.
I was at work one day, and I made the wrong movement and threw my back out. I didn't think it was bad at first, it took about 20 minutes or so to really hit me. My boss told me to go to the office and lie down, that would help. So, like an idiot, I did. The office was down this long hallway that at that hour, no one is around. I laid down on the office floor. If I didn't have my knees bent I was in excruciating pain. As long as they were bent, I was fine. I decided it wasn't too bad and I would go back to work. So I went to get up. I was stuck, help, I've fallen and I can't get up ... that was going through my mind endlessly. I would try to sit up and the pain blinded me. Because I couldn't get up, I knew I had seriously injured my back.
I tried calling out for someone to help me, but no one was around. I waited and waited, and no one came. I then decided I had to buck it and just get up, no matter how bad it hurt. I did, and screamed out while I did it, but I made it up. I called Maria from the office. I told her to come pick me up ... NOW !!! She asked why, and all I could tell her is just do it. I walked out of the office, very slowly, because I could not walk well at all. I finally made it to my boss and told her I had to go, my back hurt.
Maria came to pick me up and I realized I had to go down 3 steps. Might as well have been the empire state building, I wasn't going to make it down those 3 steps. I went to the emergency room and they did absolutely NOTHING for me. I went home the same way I walked in, in severe pain.
About a week later, I went for physical therapy. Before I went, I was able to walk a bit, after I left, I couldn't make it down the one step it took to go to the parking lot. I decided that physical therapy wasn't going to work for me, so I quit going. I started going to a chiropractor. It helped, but it was slow going. He wasn't someone you went in, got an adjustment and left. He did massage with this ben gay smelling stuff, which felt sooo good.
I was using a walker for about the first 9 months after my injury. Doing everyday things hurt like hell. Pulling up my pants, trying to take my pants down. Tying my shoes. Sitting down, standing up. Walking, standing, sitting, laying down. It all was excruciating.
I started to swim about a year after my injury. It helped quite a bit. I had been using a cane for a while by that point, and I was using it less around the house. Just to sit down and stand up.
After about 2 years after my injury I returned to work. Not because I was better, because bills had to be paid. Work made my back worse. I would come home from work and cry. I would sit down in my chair, and getting up to walk again was very painful.
After a couple more years, and begging from my doctor, I started back to the gym. It was hard to do and I couldn't keep it up. It hurt so bad. My doctor finally ordered and MRI for my back and it was concluded that I had a herniated disk.
I quit my job because it was slowly killing (crippling?) me. I started working at the gym that I had been going to. It wasn't supposed to be a permanent position, but it became just that. I learned how to strengthen my back and I'm feeling much MUCH better about it. It still bothers me sometimes, but its so minor by comparison.
Also at the time I started at the gym, I was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes. It was my time to become proactive about my health and weight. I started exercising harder and more often. I changed my eating habits, got my blood glucose levels under control. I had one doctor tell me that it was like I wasn't Diabetic because of my glucose level. That made me feel good. I was energetic, feeling good and feeling like I was in the best shape I had been in in years.
Cardio was my buddy. I would be on the ellipitical, to the treadmill, the low rider, the glider ... I would alternate between all of them as I got tired on the one I was one. I would keep this up for an hour or two. I loved it. I worked the machines too. Nothing could stop me now. I was losing weight ... I had gone down two pant sizes.
One day I got on the treadmill and my heart started to race after just two minutes. It felt like it was going to jump out of my chest. I stopped what I was doing and tried it again later. My heart started to race again. So I tried it the next day. My heart would race. It got to the point that I was scared to go on the treadmill, or any cardio machine for that matter.
I talked to my doctor, and he put me on a beta blocker. It worked. For two weeks. I postponed going back to my doctor for a few months. When I did and he referred me to a cardiologist, about 6 months passed by. I hadn't been exercising the whole time. I wanted to see what the cardiologist would say about the possibility of a heart attack. The appt was scheduled for the next month, so that was 7 mos I wasn't exercising. The cardiologist put me on a stronger beta blocker and sent me on my merry way. It didn't work either. So I started going through test after test. I asked him if I could exercise while waiting to find out what was wrong, and he said it might be best that I wait considering I'm not monitored.
Well, it took about a year and a half to be diagnosed. The medication they have me on works sometimes, other times I feel like my heart is coming through my chest.
By the time I was diagnosed, I had given up on ever exercising again, and I stopped eating right. All the weight I had lost came back on, and then some. Right now, I am the heaviest I've ever been. I have a BMI of 42.9 and a body fat percentage of 51.1%. Thats over half my body weight, sad.
My back is acting up again, just sometimes, because I haven't been exercising. So I will go and do that one exercise just to keep my back strong. I'm still having problems on the treadmill, so I'm riding the recumbant bike. I just started working out again. My blood glucose is out of control. I have a whole laundry list of problems stemming from my weight and Diabetes.
My insurance company says for good faith, I have to lose 5% of my weight. Which is abut 13 lbs, and keep it off for 6 months before I can be approved for surgery. I have just started eating right again in the last day or two. I don't feel any lighter. However, I just want to get the ball rolling for when I see the doctor, because the 13 lbs doesn't count unless its documented.
I've had a couple people say "oh" when I tell them I'm preparing to have the surgery. I feel like they feel I'm taking the easy way out. I even had someone ask why I don't wire my jaw shut instead. OMG !!! GBS or WLS are not easy choices, or easy ventures. Once I have the surgery, my life will change, forever. I will only be able to eat 3 oz of food at a sitting. Do you know how much that is. Hold out your hand. Circle your palm ... that is about 3 oz. Not only that, have you ever tried to chew your food until its pureed, without swallowing little bits here and there. For the rest of my life, that's how I am to chew. How many have taken a bit, and wanted to wash it down with milk or something? I won't be able to do that either. Not only that, because I will be eating less, I will have to take more vitamins to get my nutrition level. I will probably drink three protein shakes a day to keep my protein levels up.
This is a lifelong decision that is not an easy one to make. Its not going to be an easy one to live with either. But I'm ready for it. Not just for me. For my daughter and Maria too. Our lives circle around what I can and can not do.
To answer the title of this post, I believe I wasn't able to lose the weight because of what happened to my back and then what happened with my heart.
posted by Melissa at 9:05 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home